I really wonder
by Yoko Nee-San
Summary: How many times have I been here ? How many times am I gonna suffer ? Those are questions Apollo never answered me. But when I doubt his love , he gets away and leaves me alone to my loneliness ... From Solaria's POV and Apollo's POV . Fem!Percy x slight dark!Apollo. One-Shot of last true lover.


** A/N : Hey my beloved fans ! Well I'll tell you , I really wanted to be off with Last True Lover's one shot. At first , that part was supposed to be in the story , but I deleted it and prefered to make it an one-shot instead. I hope you'll like it though. **

**It is in the years that Solaria passed with Apollo as his 'prisonner'.**

**Warning : There is sexual reference.**

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><p>Apollo's hands traveled my body , I was laying under him , as usual.<p>

He put his hands on my hips , and I really had to suppress a moan from my mouth. I was still pretty sure that Apollo noticed my state , because he was grinning broadly at the shivers he was provoking.

"Can't resist me , Soli ?" He asked in a teasing voice as he kissed my jaw line , sucking my skin softly.

I tried to roll my eyes at him , but I failed miserably as I moaned under his touch. "I-t-t-told-y-you to sto-stop- calling-m-me-like-_that_ !" I moaned the last word as he hugged me tighter.

"Hmph." He said in my neck. "You will always be my little Soli , no matters what." He growled.

I sighed with desire , and I let myself be , for the thousand of times , devoured by Apollo's lust.

After the two of us came , Apollo got up. It was time to raise the sun.

"I will be right back." He promised as he kissed my lips sweetly. I sighed onto the kiss , and closed my eyes. He broke away , pressing his forehead against mine.

When I opened my eyes again , he was gone.

I sighed. It was always the same thing.

Apollo would always be very kind to me when I wasn't asking him questions , for a secret motive he didn't want me to know what happened to my family and what happened in Troy's war. And then , when I dared to ask him , he'd became furious and would ignore me or be gone.

Aside from 'that' , I wasn't really doing anything here. There were books and other things , but I didn't really care , and even if I knew reading , I didn't like it. Most of the books were about the gods and all , it was stories who repeated themselves , and it really annoyed me. So , most of the time , I wasn't doing anything at all , I was only thinking of my life , having my thoughts and my dreams as my only friends. I was only distracted when Apollo was here. But I always apprehended his return , I didn't know why , but I felt like he could be angry for nothing and take it on me , for example , there was one month where he had been so cold with me that he didn't come back to me at all for two long and horrible weeks , and I hadn't even done anything to upset him.

Gods were truly bipolar.

I blinked as a thought came in my head.

When I thought of everyone , I also remembered my sister's words.

_"He cursed her."_

_"No , he didn't , stop lying , I don't believe it , he wouldn't do something so horrible."_

_"Why are you taking his side ?" Kania asked suspiciously._

_I blushed slightly. "You're insulting a god I worship , of course I'd take his side."_

_"Ah that's true. But you know sister , I don't like Apollo at all. Nor I do for almost all the gods. I believe in them , but I don't worship them. The few of them that I do worship are lord Eros , lady Hestia and a few others."_

_"Why is that ?" I asked curiously._

_"Because all of them are sinful , do you see how they behave ? They break their own laws , and they order us to obey them and their laws. Didn't you read the stories about king Zeus's infidelity ? About queen Hera's jealousy even If I understand her ? About Artemis's hatred for men ? About your dear Apollo's cruelty ?"_

_"I know it , but ..."_

_"But ? See , sister , yourself is agreeing with me."_

_"Even. Tell me just why do you believe that mad princess ?"_

_"Because we don't have the right to judge other people. We are as human as they are , and she changed , she isn't as mean as she was before , she has become very kind."_

_"You are a hypocrite. You say that , but you judge the gods and critic them , this is a blasphemy , sister. Be careful , You can be thrown in Tartarus with your pretty words__._"

Maybe my siser was right. No , not maybe , she _was _definitely right.

Apollo was more than cruel to me , looking at all he did and was still doing to me. He took me away from my family's arms. He confined me here , where I was alone most of the time , when I couldn't even look at myself for some reasons , and where I was going mad out of loneliness.

Even if he loved me genuinely , he was too selfish , he wasn't thinking about my happiness at all , but about his own by keeping me locked here.

So maybe Kania was right when she had said that he had cursed Cassandra of Troy , but still , I couldn't believe that he made a so blasphemous deal with her.

Kania was true. The gods weren't perfect at all , they were all sinful , and all prideful.

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><p>"I am back , Soli !" Apollo said as he grinned at me from the end of the bed. I hadn't moved at all , and I really didn't want to , I was too tired.<p>

"Solaria ?" Apollo asked as he joined me under the sheets.

"Soli." He repeated with a more impatient voice , and I turned to look at him. He looked as handsome as ever , with his soft sandy hair shinning like the sun.

"Yes ?"

"Are you okay ?" He asked worriedly. "You look a bit off." I scoffed at that.

"Oh really ?" I said with anger. "Why do you even ask the question ? How do you want me to be okay when I am all alone , having no one else to talk but you and so only when you are here ?"

Apollo's concerned face turned into a furious one. "Don't begin." He warned. "We have already talked about that."

"Are you sure ?" I said with a mocking voice. "I don't remember it at all."

"Solaria," Apollo said with a very threatening voice. "If you still dare talking to me like that , I-"

"You what ?!" I said with anger , lifting my head to meet his intense glare. "You'll do what ? What can you do to me that is worse than what I am already living with you ?"

Apollo's eyes widened in disbelief , and something I recognized as hurt flashed in his eyes. But even with it , I decided to press on. "You will kill me ? Rape me ? Torture me ? Or even_ curse_ me ?" He stayed silent , he didn't even react. I thought he'd be super furious and that he'd kill me or blast me into oblivion , but finally , he didn't do anything , his pain won against his anger.

"You really think that ?" He said with an emotionless voice. "That I would do all those horrible things to you ?" I didn't answer , because even myself , I wasn't sure.

"You ... I see." I lifted my head to look at him , and I froze immediately. He looked beyond hurt , and his eyes were no longer furious , but simply and purely hurt and sad.

"If it's really what you do want from me," He said in a suddenly cold voice. "Then I will not be bothering you for a _very long time."_ And with that , he was gone in a flash of golden light.

I sighed , trying to erase the painful feelings in my chest.

What had I done ?

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><p>"Apollo." I called for the thousand of times.<p>

But he still hadn't answered at all , he was truly mad at me then.

I sighed. There were times when he became more than evil. And when he was mad at me , he could ignore me for a , as he had said , a very long time. It didn't happen very much though , only a few times. But even , it was still horrible for me , I'd only became more crazy.

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><p><strong>Apollo's POV<strong>

He was truly furious.

Of course he was , who wouldn't be when the love of their live would say so cruel things to them ?

Sure , he hadn't been very kind to her , he knew that , and he was selfish too , he also knew that.

But when she had said those words ...

It was like he was dying. Which was funny , because gods couldn't die.

But the fact was that , even if he'd stay away from Solaria , even if he was upset and he wanted to punish her , he was punishing himself as well.

Staying away from her , only for a second was a torture , so when he was busy doing his duties , he was feeling like a huge part of him was gone.

And so , when he was away from her for _days ,_ or worst _weeks_ , he couldn't stand it. But he still forced himself.

He didn't want to see her angry face , angry face from anger which _he_ provoked.

But mostly , he didn't want to see her in _pain_ , which he also provoked. He really hated to see her sad or hurt , because when he was seeing it on her gorgeous face , he was instantly feeling the same way , surely from guilt to have taken her everything , but he didn't have a choice after all.

Zeus was already trying to take her away from him , he really had had pity for her mother.

But if so , why would he make her come back if he truly felt pity ?

Her entire family was dead , and her sister had been horribly killed in such a blasphemous way. She wasn't having anything now , if Zeus released her , she'd be a slave like so many. And Apollo really didn't want it , he couldn't bear to see her suffer , even if he was the raison of it , he really didn't want to.

He was truly and madly in love with her after all , and he had never had so much luck with love until now. Usually , his lovers didn't last very long , either they rejected him , either they died after having accepted him. Apollo still winced at the memory of his sweet , tender Hyacinthus. The boy was killed out of spite because he accepted his love instead of Zephyrus's , if Eros hadn't protected him , Apollo would have made Zephyrus suffer horribly by now.

And he really didn't want to loose Solaria , it was the longest relationship he ever had had. It was almost six years now.

He wouldn't let go of her , and for that , he'd keep here locked for eternity , even if it made her so unhappy.

Apollo sighed. It wasn't like he had a choice anyways , she was a mortal , she was too fragile , and he couldn't marry her during Troy's war , his father wouldn't agree and he was pretty sure that Hera would rather divorce Zeus than marrying one of his illicit children with someone.

And Solaria herself was also a problem , he knew that she'd reject him if he proposed to her now , she wasn't in the mood for wedding.

What Apollo truly wanted to do was to trick her , before saying anything about her family's death , he'd force her to marry him after the Trojan voice , and after he would tell her , she'd be furious at him , but she would be trapped as his immortal wife , and there was no way she could escape from him.

Apollo smiled a little , he had to wait before he could do something like that. But since it was worth it , he could wait forever , and he had Solaria with him as his lover , so he still could wait a bit.

* * *

><p><strong>Solaria's POV<strong>

I sighed deeply. It was some days now that Apollo hadn't showed up at all , and it began to make me sad. Of course I truly felt guilty for what I did , but he did deserve it.

He couldn't make me suffer by his cruelty , and just ask me after if I was alright , it was pure hypocrisy. Which was really ironical because he was the god of truth and reason.

Suddenly , there was a flash of golden light and I was met by the object of my thoughts.

Weirdly , Apollo wore a smile on his face when he came. He sat beside me in the bed , looking at me carefully.

"Where were you ?" I managed to ask. He grinned at me. Seriously , why was he so happy ? "You really missed me , Soli." He said with satisfaction at the sad look on my face.

I rolled my eyes at him. "Don't flatter yourself. I was lonely without you." I sighed.

Apollo laughed as he lay down beside me , but when he managed to take me in his arms and when I avoided it , he scowled. "Soli , you can't stay mad at me-"

"I can for as long as I want to." I said , turning on my side , my back facing his chest.

I heard him sigh. I closed my eyes and weirdly , drifted to sleep. I dreamed of Lucas , with his gentle smile and golden hair , at all the cheerful memories I had with him ... But annoyingly , my dream was stopped by Apollo himself. He was kissing me with intense hunger , and I could understand it easily , he stayed away from me for four days so we hadn't slept together in all that time. Usually we were doing 'it' most of the time , it was pratically my only activity when he was here.

I knew what was happening but I didn't open my eyes , I kept them closed , but Apollo's kiss was making me burn with pure lust. He had that power of making me feel that way. His kiss was hungry and he bit my bottom lip when he noticed that I wasn't kissing him back. I gasped at that , and he profited of that moment to slip his tongue into my mouth , it was really warm in it , and I softly moaned at the sensation.

He broke away for me to catch my breath , but it lasted only a few seconds. "Why don't you open your eyes , Solaria ?" Apollo said against my lips , his voice erotic.

I didn't answer.

"Open your eyes." He growled at me , moving from my mouth to my neck. "I want you to look into my eyes." I did as I was told , but instead of Apollo's sky blue eyes , I found myself staring at his sandy head.

I began giggling hysterically , what happened just made me laugh out of surprise.

Apollo stopped kissing me and looked up at me. He had a lustful gaze in his eyes , but there was also a look of confusion. "May I know what is so funny for you to laugh like that ?" He asked confusedly. I shook my head. "Th-that's nothing." I breathed , of course Apollo didn't believe me , and he pursued on.

"Tell me."

"No."

"Do it."

"Make me."

Apollo looked at me like if I was crazy , which was maybe because I was challenging him. He sat up on me like if I was a chair , and he pinned my wrists above my head. "If you don't tell me-"

"You'll kiss me." I finished for him. He raised his eyebrows , unable to hid the amusement. He smirked. "No , I won't. You take too much pleasure under my touch. I'll tickle you." I widened my eyes in disbelief.

"Please not that ..."

"Oh yes Soli , I will do it."

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><p>Things were pretty weird.<p>

I sighed contentedly in Apollo's strong arms , he ended up tickling me and I ended up saying the whole stupid thing to him. But in the end we ended up making love to each other , just like usual.

My chest was pressed against his , and he smiled at me , caressing one of my cheek tenderly with his tumb.

It was really weird how one second he could be furious and angry and the next one the most tender man (god) in the world , but truly , he was a god and they were really bipolar.

Then , a thought hit me.

"Did you curse Cassandra of Troy ?"

Apollo's eyes widened so much they could have gotten out of his perfect face. He looked extremely shocked , like he didn't expect this.

"What makes you think so , Solaria ?" He spoke with a deep voice.

"Someone said it to me."

"Is the someone her ?"

"No." Apollo looked thoughful for a moment.

"So ... You cursed her ?"

"Stop it !" He snapped at me angrily , suddenly letting me go. "Why would I ? I have the right to know !" "No you don't ! This is none of your business !" I remained silent at that. "Why ?" I said sadly after a moment of silence. "You're my lover ... What concerns you concerns me too." Apollo looked straight in my eyes , his were a bit guilty at the look of hurt my face was showing. "No." He said after a moment , coming to me again and taking me in his arms , hugging me and pressing my own head against his torso. "That doesn't work that way , Solaria. What concerns you is my business , but what concerns me isn't yours."

I was really hurt at those words. "So I suppose I don't matter for you then if you think that way." I winced as he gripped my chin tightly. "What did you just say ?!" He said , angered. "You already know !" He frowned at me. "That isn't true ! Of course you matter for me , you are everything to me." "Then , why -" "Because I want to protect you." He said , cutting me off. "What concerns me can hurt you , and I don't want that to happen."

I didn't know what I wanted to do at that moment. Either I wanted to shout at his hypocrisy , or either I wanted to cry considering that Apollo had loved people before me and , according to me , would still love other people after me.

"So , it means that you did love her ?" I asked with shivers. My heart was also beating too much fastly for my comfort.

He sighed. "Yes Solaria , I _did _love her."

"And why did you-"

"Because she tricked me !" He said angrily. "She was supposed to give herself to me and be my lover after that I would have given her the gift of prophecy ! But what did she do ? She tricked me , mocked me with a kiss and came back on her words as soon as she got what she wanted from me ! And as a revenge , her prophecies will _never , never _be believed."

I also remained silent at that. I didn't think Apollo would make a so blasphemous deal with Cassandra.

"So the day when we first met at your temple," I said , putting the things together now. "You sounded so irritated because she was in ?"

Apollo looked at me coolly , he then placed a finger between my two breasts. "Do you know why I almost shouted at you that day ?" He said , making his finger coming down and down my stomach. "It was because she _dared_ to beg for my forgiveness. After she suffered , was called mad and all, she dared to do it . It made me crazy , and if you weren't here ... I would have killed her on the spot if I hadn't sensed your presence."

Fear rushed over me , no wonder Apollo was so cruel to me if he was able to do those things to someone he loved.

Then , a question I forced myself to ask him was asked from me.

"If I had rejected you , would you have cursed me like that ?" Apollo's eyes went furious , and he kissed me deeply. I lost myself in the pleasure he was giving me , he removed his finger , and his hands traveled in my body , he was kissing me with fury , and he only time he kissed me like that was when I assumed that he was cheating on me.

Things were too fast , and before I knew it , the two of us came , I pushed my head back in ecstasy , and Apollo fell in top of me , breathing heavily. His respiration and mine were synchronized.

"D-Do never say such things again." He said weakly after some minutes as he got off me and lay beside me , taking me in his arms. "I will always love you. You and only you , and that , for the rest of my life." He kissed the top of my head , and I sighed with satisfaction , shifting closer to him as I could.

"I'll try, but only if it's really me that you love."

"Don't worry , I can't love two persons in the same time anyways. But don't ever doubt my love or my faifhfulness to you. Is that clear ?"

"Yes." I said as I kissed his neck softly , resting my head in the crook of his neck.

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><p><strong>AN : That's the one-shot , I am glad I am done with it , I hope you liked it , please review !**

**Also , I don't accept criticism , unless you're not rude , I really don't want that. Keep your negatives thoughts for yourselves. **


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